Monday, 28 February 2011

An idiot’s guide to packing shopping

Diagrammatic Step-by-step guide
Kenya, near Mithini, 70km from Nairobi, 2cm below kneecap, just to the right of femoral artery

Follow these simple steps, and the diagram provided, and you too could be the proud bearer of a scar on the back of your knee cap:
  1. Purchase 6 inch steel knife from local market
  2. Hastily throw into hessian sack with several kilograms of potatoes as your matatu (minibus) turns up
  3. Retrieve hessian sack from matatu’s roof at completion of journey
  4. Pick up heavy sack in a backwards swinging motion
  5. Allow protruding knife blade to swing into the back of your leg
  6. Turn white, bleed a lot
  7. Apply gauze and duct tape, be officially banned by WatotoWa Baraka management from using knifes in future


  1. Oh my God, I tried it, it totally works.
    I am Group O Rh+ve...

  2. Ian you have managed to clear my melancholy of over-worked, over-tired grumpiness. Sounds like you are getting down and dirty and stuck in.

    My family have always sponsored kids in Kenyan and I have not done it myself yet. I earned £75 this week filling in a cremation certificate, that is about 4 years of sponsoring a child and it only took 15mins. Maybe I'll drop them a mail.

    Always good to hear about a travellers bowel motions....I still think I haven't recovered from Indonesia all those years ago. There is still a frisson of anxiety when I fart that I gas maybe followed by something more substantial.

    keep on enjoying yourselves and I'll tune in for the next instalment...

  3. Good to hear from you Foxy. Man's greatest worry - the shart.

    Think you might enjoy my next posting - 'I don't believe in anything'. There's a controlled rage going on that I think you may appreciate...